I’ve been having a rough time lately. This is through no external problems (I love my family and friends), I’ve just been going through a weird headspace for about two weeks now, and lately it’s especially hard to deal with.
I swam laps to work off the frustration with myself, but it wasn’t helping. I swam hard and fast, but I still felt like crying (okay, I did cry) underwater. I shouted under the water, I floated and tried to relax, I blew bubbles; nothing seemed to help.
Now, I love water. Being in the water always, always helps me, even better than a run, sometimes.
When I couldn’t take being so frustrated any more (I had a feeling somewhere between feeling like I was going to implode and like I was going to disappear…simultaneously), I swam to the side. I clung to the brick wall and said, “God, please.”
Now, I’m not religious. I’m not sure I believe in a specific god, or if I believe in the universe, or something, but sometimes, when I’m lost, I just need to say something, to just blurt out a cry for help. And that was what came out.
I swam half of another lap and stopped at the edge, contemplating getting out.
Then I saw a frog floating in the water.
It was brown; its eyes were closed.
I screamed. My dad was nearby:
“Aaagh! Frog! A frog! I think it’s dead!”
The frog opened its eyes and started swimming.
I scrambled the hell out of the pool.
Don’t worry, we fished it out with a net, and it was fine. It hopped away.
It was small, and it looked like a young frog (its legs looked newly formed), but to be honest, I don’t know much about frogs, so I couldn’t say for sure.
My dad had it trapped under the net, and I said, “What are you doing? Just let it go.”
Just let it go.
I don’t know if this is just some sort of metaphor for my day, or what, but the whole thing shocked me into laughter and now I feel like I might not implode or disappear.
That’s always a good thing.